The Audience

"Boy, is He being mean today."

I just said this to Martha after writing down several articles that had a rather pointed, and sharp edge to them.

It is hard to explain how I write. It starts with a feeling, then I really just start two-finger typing the words on my phone. As I write, the feeling behind the words is strong. At some points I barely think, I just feverishly move those two fingers until the feeling ends. I then have to go through the words several times to adjust the fat fingering that makes the typed words non-readable. "The" comes out the...often.

So, the heart of the matter is that either my writing is purely me, or it is coming from Him as I believe whole heartedly it to be.

If it is me, then the words have no weight other than a challenge from a simple man to take seriously what you believe to be eternal.

However, if they are from Him, then the words carry a weight that should be noted with a very serious consideration. I take it very seriously. They challenge me just as much as they should.

However, knowing that my audience is barely existent is a grave concern.

Of course, like the writings of Paul to the churches in the New Testament, Paul was just writing a letter, he had no idea what God was going to do with it. My writings may go nowhere or be stored up for one person several years after I'm gone.

I doubt that, but I don't care either way.

I love to teach. I love to share what I know. In person, apparently, I come off as obnoxious. It is not my intent, I really just get excited talking about Him, I would truly rather do that than anything else.... really.

It is frustrating sharing the greatest, most wonderful bits of information about my favorite person only to receive "meh" from my audience.

Mostly, from people who think very little of me.

It's OK though, as I know if God wanted, one small paragraph could go "viral", so to speak, and then I would have an audience of many multitudes.

The alternative is more disturbing. If my audience never goes beyond what few people ever respond, then the audience is them...with all the feeling that God puts behind the words. Even more so, is the God intent behind a scenario where the words are dismissed readily.

He knows what He is doing.

He doesn't make mistakes.

He reveals truth to who He wants to and when.

So, if the words are actually His, and He uses me to throw them on deaf ears...well, it means I write so He has a reason to judge my audience.

No, it is not the calling I would, by any means, have chosen.

I only asked that He make me the best that HE could make me.

The best.

The greatest.

I don't want to be a tool of judgement. I really don't. So, I keep hoping for a viral expanse. I don't see it happening, but God knows the reason for the feeling and intent of the pointed words my fat fingers are churning out.

It is, as it always is, His audience...not mine.

So, here I go again...